


When Heaven Hurts

by OtherTimes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fixing Heaven (Supernatural), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29701659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherTimes/pseuds/OtherTimes
Summary: Series Finale fixit. Heaven isn’t supposed to hurt. So what do you do when it doesn’t have the happy ending you deserve?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	When Heaven Hurts

Heaven wasn’t supposed to hurt. Resting his forehead against the steering wheel, Dean closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift, trying to figure out how he’d managed to screw up even his spot in paradise. The others seemed happy. Hell, Bobby was so zen it was downright creepy.

It was just his broken ass that couldn’t settle. Every damn day that passed, the ache got worse. He’d tried to explain it to Ellen last night, thinking it was an echo of how violent his death had been. He’s expected her to understand, it didn’t get more violent than blowing yourself up. She hadn’t known what he was talking about though.

Maybe it was not seeing Sammy. Everyone else said they just walked down to the lake and looked. But it didn’t work for him, all he saw was fucking fish. He was an uncle, mom told him yesterday and he couldn’t even see it himself. Couldn’t be sure that Sammy was safe.

Groaning, he wiped at his eyes, unable to stop the tears.

He couldn’t seem to find Cas either. There had been a couple of sightings but he never seemed to get there in time. First the Angel had helped create a beach where Mom and Dad wanted him to go swimming with them but left just before Dean got there. Today, Bobby swore that Cas had been watching the bees just seconds before the Impala pulled up.

At first he thought Cas was avoiding him out of anger he hadn’t saved Jack. Or embarrassment maybe. But that wasn’t Cas. He wasn’t embarrassed by human emotion, he cherished them. Savored every experience. And the trench coated freak certainly didn’t hide from Dean over uncomfortable feelings. Cas was the one who stayed, withstanding every single thing Dean had thrown at him with quiet certainty.

“Hi.”

Popping his head up, Dean found himself smiling.

“Thought you weren’t coming around, Jack. Weren’t you all about staying out of the story?”

“That’s on earth, this isn’t earth.” Jack answered, with a slight smirk he must have picked up from Sam.

“I missed you.”

“I’m always with you.” The kid reminded before relenting. “It’s not the same though. I miss you too. I wish you were happy.”

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Dean wondered how he was supposed to reassure god.

“Me too.”

“Then why do you stay here?”

Caught off guard, Dean frowned searching Jacks dopey expression for clues. Mistakes. Djinn always screwed something up, missed a small detail.

But Jack was perfect, right down to the scuffed left shoe that never stayed tied.

“What?”

“Your body is stronger now. You could go back if you’re not happy here. You don’t have to stay.”

Swallowing Dean, shook his head trying to make sense of the words but failed.

“I got ganked by some rebar. I died.”

“You passed out. The ambulance came a few seconds later. I shouldn’t have interfered. I can’t do it again.” Jack warned, shifting in his seat and glancing out at darkening skies. “I can’t put myself in the story again. I can’t be Chuck.”

“You won’t. You’re a good kid.”

“I wouldn’t have, but you and Sam never call an ambulance and you needed one. They carry blood replacement on some of them now. They saved your life so it wasn’t really a miracle.”

Restless, Dean threw open Baby’s door and stepped out onto the grass beside the road and walked aimlessly.

“I’m alive.”

“You’re in between. Your body’s alive but your soul was tired. Everyone figured if you were happy here you would stay. But you aren’t so you can go back. It’s your choice.”

“Sammy’s wife and kid?”

“Time isn’t a straight line here. Your parents want to see his future, so they see the parts that are certain. Going back won’t mean it doesn’t happen.”

Relieved Dean glanced around again, realizing they were standing outside a very familiar barn. Sigils and wards still visible.

“What...” he licked his lips and tried again. “What about Cas.”

Turning away from the barn, Jack ducked his head the same way his father did when someone, usually Dean, hurt his feelings.

“Cas isn’t here, is he?”

“I can’t break the truce with the Empty. We need time to heal. So many terrible things have happened so quickly because of Chuck. We need to restore the peace so that people can be good. They want to be good, but they need peace to do it.”

“And losing Cas was the cost of that peace.” Stepping into the barn, Dean wasn’t surprised when his clothing shifted... his blue tee and pants morphing into tan and grey flannel and filthy denim. He could even feel the stiffness of his jacket sleeve from the blood drying in. Cas’s blood. Except Cas didn’t bleed that day in the barn.

“I can’t save him from the Empty, Dean.” Jack admitted. “I can’t call him back and I can’t resurrect him.”

Heaven was kind enough to put a crate underneath him as his knees gave out. Cas really was gone. Locked in some silent black place. No bees to watch. No humans to study. Cas was alone.

“I can’t call him back. I can’t resurrect him” Jack repeated, lightly covering the blood stain with his own hand. “I wish I could but I can’t.”

“If I leave here....”he forced the words out already knowing what the answer would be. He wasn’t supposed to be here and no one was going to make that mistake again. That meant the rack. Hurting people and enjoying it. It would prove to everyone what he really was inside.

Suddenly his arms were full of gangly god and he held on for all he was worth trying to keep from shaking apart. When the shaking finally slowed and the memories were shoved back into their box, the confession tumbled out before he could stop it.

“I’m not supposed to be here, Jack.”

“You will never end up anywhere else.” Jack promised pulling back to look Dean in the eye with a certainty he had never seen before. “When you’re tired, when you’re ready, you’ll come here. No one will take you from me. You will always have a place here. There is nothing you could do that will take that from you or Sam. I won’t let them.”

Warmed by the words, Dean allowed hope to bloom filling that empty ache with a warmth that didn’t hurt for once. Pulling Jack close again, he pressed a kiss to the kids temple.

“Don’t let him give up.”

Smiling Jack returned the hug before squeezing Dean’s bloodstained shoulder once more and stepping back.

“He’s gotten quite good at frustrating the Empty. Yesterday, he began chanting Ramble On in a loop. He can hear Sam’s prayers some. That helps, I think. The power of words is important.”

Gaining his own feet, Dean nodded thoughts already racing to pull a plan together. Hoping he would remember at least some of this, he sank into the light and warmth that flooded out from where Jack pressed a finger to his forehead.

And he allowed himself to fall from this Heaven full of emptiness.


End file.
